Free Kindle Comedy Novella

Miranda & Me

By Peggy Hart & Miranda Hart

Hello and welcome to the first book ever written by a dog - me, Miss Peggy Hart. I just couldn't wait any longer for Miranda's book all about me (Peggy and Me) to come out in October so decided to release my own book ahead of Miranda, and here it is!

It turns out I am not just pretty face. And what a pretty face I hear you say. I know. Just look at me. I like to say I look like a cloud breathed by angels. I just say it how I see it. But my skills are not just my incredible natural beauty, I am also quite the literary whizz. And I hope you like my book . 

What's even more exciting is it contains Twitter stories from the nation's own #AndMe moments, the best of which Miranda and I have hand-selected to appear in this free ebook! The great British public have spilled the beans on their own doting companions, canine or otherwise. Oh and it also contains a sneak preview from Peggy and Me AND an exclusive introduction from none other than moi and Miranda. Expect laughter and tears - fuelled by a rich reserve of chaotic cats, pompous pooches and the odd human along the way. 

I do so hope you like it because I love you very much and want to make you happy. I am lovely like that. Lots of licks and woofs to you and I hope to meet you in person one day. 

The Pegster signing out (but do follow me on Twitter @realpeggyhart).

Click Here To Collect

Movie Review - Real Men

Real Men

(1987)

United Artists / Martin Bregman Productions : CBS/Fox

10 / 10

I loved this when it was released and I still love it today.  This is an intelligently witty and wacky romp in The Twilight Zone.  Every style of comedy is catered for from wordplay to slapstick; satire to sarcasm.

The main storyline is that aliens exist and we have been talking to them for awhile.  They are willing to save our planet from certain destruction or we can have a big gun!  So, of course, our hero's CIA Agent Nick Pirandello, played super-coolly by James Belushi, and everyday-Joe Bob Wilson, played brilliantly by John Ritter, who's a look-a-like for a dead agent, set off across America to make the deal.  All the ET's want in return is a glass of water.

Along the way, Nick and Bob have to deal with quite a few obstacles, such as the Russians and the CIA Clown Squad.  It also turns out to be a spiritual trip for the pair as Nick gets in touch with his feminine side while Bob builds his self-confidence and becomes a stronger person.

Even though the Dream Quest Images carried out the special effects the only really good effect is the space pen.  Which isn't actually a hindrance as it's the comedy that makes this film.

One scene that's stayed with me is the cigarette after sex sketch where Nick and the Russian Agent come out of the back room smoking.

Nick says, "I'm really trying to give up smoking... I only smoke after sex"
Bob, "That's not too bad."
Nick, "Well... I'm down to twenty a day!"

Also, the scene where Bob meets Nick's family had me rolling around in bouts of laughter.

I would recommend this to lovers of comedy.  This is one of my favourite films and I will be watching it a lot more in the future as it always brings a smile to my face and a laugh to my voice.

A Quick Laugh

I love word play and this is one of the best jokes of it's kind...


     What do you call a Midget Clairvoyant on the run from the Police?

          A Small Medium at Large...

... and here's one that usually gets people thinking and then you have to explain the joke...


     There were two nuns sharing a bath to save water.

     The first nun asks, "Where's the soap?"

     "Yes it does!" the other nun replies.


... if you have a dirty mind you'll get this quite quickly.

Movie Review - Pixels

Pixels

(2015)

Columbia Pictures / Happy Madison Productions / 1492 Pictures : Columbia Pictures / Sony Home Entertainment

8.25 / 10

So here's my guilty little secret - I like Adam Sandler films...

Even though he's done some real dross in his career he's brought out a movie or three that has made me laugh out loud, from Airheads back in 1994 and including The Wedding Singer, Little Nicky, Mr Deeds, Eight Crazy Nights, 50 First Dates, The Longest Yard, Bedtime Stories, Funny People, and now Pixels.

I love the fact that it makes a parody of the Voyager space probes, which contained golden records containing information about Earth, should an alien race find them... and be able to play them!

Now, I was a kid in the 70's and 80's so I remember Arcades and the hours and money spent on Invaders, Asteroids, and Pacman.  I could never get the handle of Defender, though.  So this movie spoke to me right from the opening shot.  So our future hero's are the nerds of their time taking part in a great Arcade Shoot-Out, where it comes down to two players, Eddie, portrayed brilliantly by Peter Dinklage, who gives a nice air of sleaziness to the character and his "Hard Guy" voice is great, and Brenner, played by Sandler (who does another great portrayal of Adam Sandler :-) ).

Brenner loses and this loss paves the way for his future fate as he never quite gets to become the person he dreamed of in his youth.  However, his best friend Will Cooper fares better and is elected as the President of the United States.  So when the strange attacks on the Good Ol' US of A cause concern and the heads of security cannot figure out what is happening President Cooper spots something familiar on a video clip and calls in his friend Brenner for help.

This is a totally outlandish plot, which the actors, writers, and director do a fantastic job of playing straight and make the comedy about the situations and narrative.  The scene where the creator of Pacman meets his "Sweet Little Boy" is well thought out and is a perfect example of this.

And the scene where Brian Cox's and Sean Bean's characters become "Extra Close" made me laugh out loud... very loud... loved it.  The director, Chris Columbus, uses all of the actors and each of them gives a good performance to build character and comedic situations.  Not one of them feels like they would rather be elsewhere; this makes for a better film.  He also keeps the pace going as the action ramps up to the finale.

To be honest, I cannot find a single fault with this film.  Yes, Adam Sandler's acting dexterity isn't of the highest calibre, but in this film, he tones down the outrageousness of some of his previous movies and it works well within the story and movie, so it's not a drawback here.

And since I can relate to the film, as well as it making me laugh a lot and giving me a nice warm and happy feeling, this has now elevated it to the upper ranks of my favourite comedy films.

I would recommend this to all, just sit back and let the happy come...

Movie Review - A Million Ways To Die In The West

A Million Ways To Die In The West (2014)

Blue Grass Films / Fuzzy Door Productions / Media Rights Capital / RGB Media / Reel Chefs Catering : Universal Pictures / KVH Media Group

4.5 / 10

This is one of the many movies where the trailer is better than the film because it eradicates all the superfluous parts, which in this instance is a lot.

The concept of the story should have allowed for a variety of humour but once again the writer decided to stick to puerile adult toilet humour.  Don't get me wrong, I like this kind of humour and some of it does make me guffaw, though I find many "Comedy" films are relying on it too much and this commonplaceness turns it stale.

Seth MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin, and Wellesley Wild, also seem to run out of these type of jokes and try to extend them until they become cringeworthy and dullened.  The point in case being Giovanni Ribisi's character Edward and his relationship with his fiance Ruth, played by Sarah Silverman.  Edward and Ruth are truly in love and are waiting to get married, in the eyes of God, before they celebrate their love conjugally.  The problem being that Ruth is a whore in the saloon, who does the best business in town.  This conflict is funny when first used, though by the third time it's starting to wear thin, then it just isn't funny anymore.  These writers know how to kill jokes (another way to Die In The West).

However, credit where credit is due, the planting of the flower is pretty funny.

Though some of Seth MacFarlane's jokes fall short his directing skills are pretty solid as he does more than a decent job throughout.

There's some serious acting talent in the film, though I do feel as though the characters could have been a little stronger.  The main bad guy, the gunslinger Clinch, played by Liam Neeson, doesn't come off mean enough.  He should be somebody to be scared of but he isn't.  Charlize Theron, who plays Anna, should've been a lot tougher than portrayed.  The west was a savage and dangerous place and she was Clinch's woman.  The only characters which come out of this film correctly are Seth MacFarlane, who does a decent act as the cowardly farmer, who doesn't farm, Giovanni Ribisi and Sarah Silverman who do well adding a depth to their characters.  Even though Neil Patrick Harris does a decent job with the character of Foy, it does seem to be very similar to other characters he's portrayed - and the moustache song... really(?) 

Though, the decent acting ability and direction cannot make up of the dullness of the script, missed opportunities to be funny, and overused and tiresome jokes.

Unless there's nothing else worth watching I would stay away from this dud of a movie.

Movie Review - Wild Target

Wild Target (2010)

Isle of Man Film / Matador Pictures / Cinema Four : Entertainment One / Paramount Home Entertainment / Vue Entertainment

6/10

This film should have been great... but it isn't.

The beginning is brilliant, well written, directed, and acted.  The laughs come at a steady pace - slapstick, visual, and spoken - every type of comedy is catered for in the first half of the film.  I was so happy I'd decided to watch this film...

...then the middle section came and everything fell apart.

Actors can only carry the weight of the project so much, they are reliant on good writing and direction.  I don't know what exactly happened while shooting the film but as soon as our merry band of miscreants take shelter at the assassin's home the change is so visible.  All the comedic elements dry up, the writing gets weaker, and the direction becomes sloppy.  It's as if they'd changed crew.

That said Bill Nighy, playing Victor Maynard does a great portrayal of a man alone and detached from the rest of the world.  He is single minded and guided in his ambition to remain as the greatest assassin in the world, just like his father before him.  Emily Blunt is splendid as the con-woman and thief, Rose.  The scene where Victor follows her is truly brilliant and worth watching.  She is very savvy and street-wise and could talk herself out of any situation and possibly sell ice to an Inuit.  Rupert Grint is the bumbling "Ordinary Joe" who gets caught up in the couples twists and turns; and love the idea of becoming the "assassins apprentice".

The only other reason I can give for the debarkle is that the original French script, "Cible EmouVante" didn't translate as well as it should and each country has its own kind of humour; what works in France doesn't always work here in England.

If it's on telly and the weather outside is dreadful then you could do worse than watching this.  Who knows you may even enjoy it in its entirety.

Movie Review - Sex Tape

Sex Tape (2014)

Escape Artists / Sony Pictures Entertainment : Columbia Pictures / Warner Brothers / Walt Disney Studios.

6 / 10

Married with children, booking slots so you can have personal time with your significant other, only for something to happen to ruin the mood.  If this sounds like you then you will probably enjoy this bawdy comedy.

Our ordinary couple Annie and Jay finally get some time to themselves, as Mrs C would say, "...to get Frisky!"  Only trouble is they just can't perform as neither of their hearts are in it and they're not in the mood.  Then they have the wonderful idea of making a "Sex Tape" using their iPad.  With the thought of this little bit of kinkiness, the clothes come off and the evenings fun begins.  For four hours straight they act out all the Joy of Sex positions.

The next day, feeling less stressed and considerably happy Jay learns that the tape has been sent to all his business clientele, for whom he'd given iPads that were synced to his own.  He'd even given the postman one for Christmas and it was his e-mail saying how much he'd enjoyed the video that drops the penny in Jay's skull.

From here on in it's a race to delete all the movies before people can see them, especially Annie's new boss Hank, played by Rob Lowe.

American comedy has a potential to be immature and puerile when it comes to sex, staying in the realms of "toilet" humour.  However, this film is a couple of notches above that and, at times, is quite funny with an adult resolve.  The cast do an excellent job, especially Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel in the lead roles.  

It's the story and direction which let the story down, though.  There's not enough laughs in the main body of the film to really carry it and it could have done with some more twists and turns.  Strange thing is, the funniest part of the film, which had me laughing my arse off, was at the end of the movie.  It's the sex scene's from the "Sex Tape" Annie and Jay make.  Why the director decided to put them at the end of the movie is a quandary as, had they been in the scene where they make the video, it would've added some much-needed laughter at the correct point in the film.  This is a major fail in a comedy film.  However, they didn't make the cutting room floor, and they really did make me howl, so I upped the score of the film.

This is a fun film to watch with your loved one, especially if you're middle-aged and can relate to the situation.

A Quick Laugh

Goldfish!

Two Goldfish in a tank.

One turns to the other one and says, "You drive, I'll take the GUNS!"

A Tall Tale Joke

Death Of A Politician

Redux by Stephen Abell

As the general elections were fast approaching, each party had dispatched their Ministers of Parliment out into the streets to rally voters by making promises and kissing babies.

On this particular day in one particular district, the MP for one of the opposing parties had just finished his filibustering and had kissed their last caterwauling babe in arms for the day.  As he turned to walk away from the crowd he failed to use the green cross code and was promptly hit by a car.

When he opened his eyes, everything was white.  Amazingly he was on his feet and as his eyes adjusted to the surrounding vista he saw lots of people of different denominations strolling past him on their way to a pair of large golden gates.  He was having a bad day.

As he closed in on the gates a man walked towards him and offered his hand in a gesture of welcome.   As they shook, he realised this man was Saint Peter.

"There has to be a problem," he queried Saint Peter, "surely it's not my time.  The election is coming!"

"Yes, it is," Saint Peter agreed, "although we up here don't put much behind those petty occurrences."

"Petty?  It's the chance for our party to run the country."

"Well, isn't that nice for them(?)  But up here we don't believe in politics and to be honest we haven't seen a politician for quite some time."  At that moment a cherub on gossamer wings flew to them and hovered as he conveyed some news to Saint Peter.

He was amazed at how the wings seemed to be playing ethereal soft and sweet music as the cherub concluded his whispering and flew back through the gates.

"It seems we have a new rule concerning people of dubious power, such as yourself.  You now have the choice of Heaven and Hell.  You will be allowed to take one day in Heaven and then one day in Hell, after which you will have the right to choose which you prefer."

"Well, okay, if that's the way it is?  I've heard what Hell is meant to be like, fire and brimstone, so I don't know why I wouldn't choose Heaven."

"Well, you know rumours.  Listen it's only a day.  But if you don't like Hell then just use the staircase and come on up.  You really don't have to stay all day."

"That seems fair."

With that, Saint Peter took the politician to the staircase and wished him well as he waved him goodbye.

At the bottom of the staircase awaited a door with a "Welcome To Hell" plate screwed to the wood.  Before he could grab the door handle the door flew open to reveal a beautifully dressed man in a black Armani suit, a big smile on his face.

"Welcome," the big man boomed joyfully as he energetically grabbed his hand and shook it in a strong grip.  "So I hope you're ready to have a great day here in the luxurious lands of Hell."

"Yep," he stammered as he stepped out of the door onto the greenest fairway he had ever seen.  In front of him were three of his best business friends.  After the hugs and salutations were over they had a glorious eighteen holes on the best-kept golf course he had ever had the privilege of playing on.  He never sliced, hooked, or diveted.  Every shot was on par or better.  He had never played this way.  His friends were funny and the jokes they told were racist, sexist, and homophobic, he laughed until he cried.  It was a great round.

At the nineteenth, they drank the finest whisky and ate the most succulent sirloin steaks his taste buds had ever sensed.  From there the pack went on the prowl to a nightclub where the booze flowed and the women danced naked in the cages and on the tables.

Before he knew it his day was over and the man in the black Armani took him back to the staircase and patted him on his shoulder confidently.  "Hope you enjoy your day in Heaven," he called as he covered his mouth in a pretend yawn.

Saint Peter was there to greet him as he rose through the clouds.  "I thought we were going to see you back before now; so how was your day in Hell?"

"Oh, you were right, you really shouldn't trust rumours."

Saint Peter walked with him through the gates, "So here you are, enjoy your day."

He was a little taken aback to see that only a few of his Aunts and Uncles, along with a couple of his Grandparents were waiting for him.  As the day progressed he had his cheek tweaked by a couple of Aunts, he relived his death, had to suffer the jokes about his profession.  After a few hours he snuck off and as he strolled around he heard bands playing soft and beautiful classical music, and groups of people talking philosophically over all manner of subjects.  Lovers walked hand in hand.  Comedians told the cleanest jokes he had ever heard.  Feeling as though the day should be rolling into night, he looked at his watch.  Only a couple of hours had passed and he was beginning to feel alone and lonely in Heaven.  Time ticked away slowly, but as the night rolled in he held his breath as fireworks lit up the sky and the stars twinkled in the midnight darkness.  He found the nightclubs were just as rowdy as Hell's but the women were dressed and danced with their partners or their friends.  He ended up at the bar drinking the night away.

As the moon set and the sun awoke the day, Saint Peter walked into the bar and asked him the question, "So you've had a day here and a day there, now it's up to you to choose?"

"Well I don't want to upset you, Heaven is heavenly, but it's just not my speed.  I think I'll take my afterlife in hell."

"Are you sure?  You really want to spend your afterlife in Hell?"

"Yeah, it really wasn't what I was expecting, but it's more my pace; livelier.  My friends are already down there."

"Okay then, back to the staircase."

Saint Peter walked with him through the gates and to the staircase wishing him well and, "God be with you," as he passed through the clouds.

At the bottom of the stairs the door remained closed until he grabbed the handle and turned it.  As he walked through a nasty smell assailed his nostrils.  It took a few seconds for his eyes to behold the scene before him and a few more for his addled brain to catch up.  Before him, all was aflame and a myriad of deplorable spectacles of depravity was everywhere, in which his friends were the stars.

A maniacal laugh made him jump around.  There stood the tall man now sans Armani.  He was naked, blood red skin, cloven hoofs, horned head, and bewinged.

"What, happened to this place?"  He stammered scaredly.  "The golf club, the nightclubs, the women?"

"Well you see, two days ago we were campaigning.  Today you voted."

Movie Review - Bachelorette

Bachelorette (2012)

Gary Sanchez Productions /  BCDF Pictures :  StudioCanal / Vertigo Films

6.5 / 10

To be honest, I watched this film as my testosterones were firing on full once they heard the cast included Kirsten Dunst and Isla Fisher, not only are these two beautiful women but powerful and talented actresses.  Then the cast just got stronger with Rebel Wilson, James Marsden, and Adam Scott all of which I've seen in better movies.

Bachelorette goes to show that you can still have a bad film with a great cast.  Unfortunately, it;s the story and the implausible characters, which I found annoying and quite unbelievable.  I am also tired of film-makers and writers trying to show drug addiction in a brighter light than it really is.  I know addicts and none are like Isla Fisher's and Lizzy Caplan's characters.  I find this to also be degrading to family and friends who know people suffering drug addiction.  These people would not keep watching this film.  There was no reason for this to even be in the movie, it just seemed like a "Quick Fix" to add some immature comedic moments.  The writers and director should've taken a more responsible approach.  With a little bit of work and creative writing, they would've had a stronger story and film.

So it sounds like I'm coming down on the movie and that I didn't like it, well if it hadn't been for Kirsten Dunst and Rebel Wilson I would've turned this off quite early.  Because of them, I stayed to the end, and even though I suffered feeling embarrassed for the actors at the start of the movie, I wasn't too upset at the end of the film, where everything works out okay in the end.

This film suffers from weak writing and mediocre direction and could've been so much better.  There are some good giggle moments, but nothing in the laugh-out-loud.  If Immature humour is your thing then you may like this.

Movie Review - The Other Guys

The Other Guys (2010)

Columbia Pictures

3.5 / 10

Will Ferrell is like Marmite, you either like him or you don't; I am of the latter persuasion, though I am guilty of enjoying Blades of Fury.

This film just didn't do anything for me, either as a comedy, thriller, or buddy-buddy action movie.  Most of the better scenes were absent of Mr Ferrell.  For me, the best parts of the movie was the ingenious opening sequence that created a fantastic satirical parody of every action movie filmed.

The other laugh-out-loud scene was when Will Ferrell's character, Allen Gamble, introduces his partner, Terry Hoitz (played well by Mark Wahlberg) to his wife Dr Sheila Gamble (nicely acted by Eva Mendes).  This is a well thought out and well written bit of comedy, shame Will Ferrell was in it, his over-acting very nearly spoiled the piece.

If it wasn't for Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Samual L Jackson, and Mark Wahlberg this would not be as good a Will Ferrell vehicle as it isn't.

If Mr Ferrell makes you laugh and puts a smile on your face then this movie is for you.  Otherwise, just search for the two scenes I've rated and you'll have seen the best parts of the film.

Or watch the clips below - Enjoy.

OPENING SEQUENCE

MEETING SHEILA